It has been too long

Lately I have been struggling with several issues, first my job and my kids, my sense of feeling like I need to voice my opinions on life, love ,God, autism human rights, etc....

First the job and kids issues is getting a little easier for me.. learning to have to let the parental strings ease up a bit even though the mother bear side of me tells me quit your job don't let them go to daycare in the summer even thought it is someone we know. Then I think do I really give up a job I've had for 7 years to be with my kids for the summer (I am working full time now, before I was part time in the evenings so I did not have this issue before) what would I do when my kids go back to school in the fall??????

Second I am struggling with the whole religion issue with human rights my thinking is. ."what the hell gives a person the right to say gays are sinners and marriage is between a man and a woman only" Ok so the religious people say god says so in the bible, who really knows that god wrote the bible and it wasn't just some guy who was thinking I have an idea let me write this book and tell people I'm the only follower you will have ...there is no hard evidence in this In the research I have done. There are so many religions how do you know which one is the true one. I do not believe in some of the sins god wrote of ... Ok for one because I had sex before marriage makes me a sinner??? I stole from 7-11 when i was a kid and rite aid when I was a young  teenager so I am a sinner with that also??  So he also writes on do not lust after another I'm sorry but Everyone does that even the most religious people. When you are married and have sex not to just have a baby it is lust I do not know ANYONE who was married and only had sex to get pregnant and never had sex again another thing god states is to love thy neighbor..well i don't love one of my neighbors because she is the gossip Queen in my neighborhood and tried to tell me casen will grow out of being autistic.... that is a whole other subject  Etc...I could go on and on

My biggest issue right now is gay rights and race rights. Gay rights because people are such bigots. My thinking is people are so scared of gay people they don't know how to handle it. When a gay person knows you are not gay chances are they are not going to hit on you and how does it effect you really. ..it doesn't ...it is like" Oh my gosh brittney Spears music is so offensive" well then dont listen to it. How are Gay people are going to effect your life really they aren't .....so shut up about it... do you really have nothing better in your life then to complain about it?? My out spoken voice is because certain people just can't let issues go and I feel like I have to fight for that right. People fought for slavery to be abolished and now it is against the law ...in the US anyway. My issue with race is. . Everyone has been or will be racist in some form right?? So after 9 11 happened I sat next to a man on a plane who looks like he may have been from Iraq or Saudi Arabia. I was so scared the entire time. Now I am ashamed to say that I even thought that way. I now know someone from Iraq who came to the U.S. for a better life for himself and his wife and I'll tell you what he is one of the nicest people I have ever meet and I do not judge him because of his religious beliefs and I can honestly say I always felt safe when casen was around him. (He was an aid in casens first elementary class) growing up my grandpa also shared his horrible opinions on black people I chalk it up to the way he was raised. I teach my children it doesn't not matter what race or religion you are it is how people treat you as a person. I have friends of all races, religions and sexual orientation.

 Just a little known fact... Did you know Utah has the highest rates of suicides of gay people who feel like they can not come out as gay or will loose the support of their church and the families and friends they gained from their church? That is just horrific, I want to cry and pisses me off that they think that is the only way out. It is not but. .... that is how horrible I think religion can be.

So I do not steal, rape, commit adultery...etc... so I not only think but I know I am a good person except for my occasional lead foot, having a alcoholic drink every once and awhile and my potty mouth, yep my mouth can compete with a sailors.
If there is a god I will answer to him and only him when the time comes.

This coming up week I am speaking at casens old autism preschool to talk about our experience. I am super excited about this. My main subject will be      "Be an advocate for your child , be their voice that they do not have." I have been writing a book on our experience with autism on and off this past year.
Hey if I quit my job I can work on my book more!!!!!

Sorry for typos or missing words I'm typing this it on my phone

Love Love Love You all

I just feel the need to tell everyone I know and like I love you all to pieces I love my husband and kids, my parents, my friends, coworkers/friends even the one lady who held the door open for me at 7-11 yesterday I love you all

Sickness

April 24 2013
 
   The stomach bug/flu/virus what ever it is got me last week. It took a good 6 days to start to feel normal or not wanting to vomit every where. I did go to my work and saw one of the providers I work with , she hooked me up to a IV for fluids and put in some anti nausea meds and a prescription to take home with me. Casen got it Saturday night poor kid threw up in his bed then came and got into our bed. Which at about 2:30am meant I got to get a little more familiar with my couch. Sunday night I gave him half of one of my anti nausea pills it knocked him out and he sleep 14 hours which he needed. He went to school yesterday but I kept him home today due my fears of the bomb threats going around the local elementary schools. I just wanted him home safe with me. So he will go back tomorrow and hopefully all this crap has ended. Not much new going on since I was so sick last week and basically stayed in bed except for working Fri night and half day Saturday, my coworker was kind enough to let me go early and she closed alone. I just had to go home and lay down. It seems like the rest of this week is going to be crazy busy, with a lot of fun in between it all.

Good Night all have a pleasant evening.

P.S. I stopped taking my synthroid meds I think it was making me way emotional and cranky plus some other side effects I wont discuss.

Home Early

Vince came home early from his weekend trip, he wanted to surprise me but he lost his car keys so I had to go pick him up instead of the surprise, which is ok I am just glad he is back home safe, he is sun burned and has a cut on his head but home safe!!! (and he brought back some gold!!!!)

I made a Rainbow cake for the boys today (casen's favorite) washed some clothes and I actually was able to take a nap today shocking for me but it is almost 12am so I know I am Not in for a good nights sleep tonight.

Money

Hey guess what....... Jace found my $20 bill on the kitchen floor Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poems and Such

Poems and such

I love to read sometimes I love to copy Lyrics or Poems down because I feel like they speak to me, make me feel better or I just love them. Here are a few

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)

  by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15384#sthash.N6FFOHFx.dpuf

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)

  by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15384#sthash.N6FFOHFx.dpuf

How do I love thee
by Elizabeth Barrett-Browning (1850) 

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints — I love with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death. 

The Road Not Taken

By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15384#sthash.N6FFOHFx.dpuf

How Do I Love Thee? (Sonnet 43)

  by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15384#sthash.N6FFOHFx.dpuf

April 13th Oprah Magazine

April 13th Oprah Magazine

I love this part of the article I read today gives me so much to think about and hope to forgive certain things in my life and people.

I know you often say that love liberates us, but actually, forgiveness does
-Oprah

But you cant forgive without loving. And I don't mean sentimentality. I don't mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say "I forgive. I am finished with it"
-Maya Angelou

It doesn't necessarily mean you want to invite them to your table.
-Oprah

Indeed not. No, no, no. I don't even want you around me. It just means I'm finished with you.
-Maya Angelou

 I read this part over and over several times today thinking about sadness or holding onto anger that has happened in my life and parts of other peoples lives I know. Sometimes I feel like I can say Yes I can forgive Not forget but Yes forgive and other times I feel like Hell No you do not get my forgiveness, I also wonder what it would be like to forgive and just Let it go. To say yes I forgive you, I am done with you and my life goes on.

Yesterday I went to Casens school to go over some items for Casens re-evaluation on his Autism diagnosis.  Took the kids to the store for some grocery items and a few extras (stuff to make a cake on Sunday) In this process I  managed to drop a $20 dollar bill somewhere. Took the bag of dog food out from the bottom of my cart for it to rip and go all over the floor in the check out lane, I get home the container of car litter falls out the lid is not on all the way and cat litter goes everywhere in the drive way, by this time I am ready for bed (its only 4pm) Glad the rest of the night went well except for the fact that I feel like I am losing more and more sleep each night. I just don't sleep good anymore. I can not take an ambien when Vince is not here for fear I will not hear my kids if they need me or that I will do something I do not need to be doing,sleeping walking or running around outside without makeup or a bra on LOL

 I have been taking Synthroid for a few weeks now, there are a few changes but not what I thought it would be. A few more weeks and I will talk to my doctor about putting me on actual Synthroid not generic or uping my dose. Or maybe even a different medication.

Vince left yesterday for a long weekend of Camping...oh excuse me gold panning with some buddies of his. Today I worked half a day. Got home had some quiet time alone while the kids had their quiet time as I call it now instead of nap time. We watched some Tom & Jerry, ate dinner, had a low key evening. I was bummed it got so cold today and rained since the weather said otherwise I was kind of looking forward to spending a little time soaking up some well needed Vitamin D. Utah weather you never know what the day will be like in April. 

I also must say I like this blogging thing kinda feels like writing in a journal.